little sheba.

you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

you are different. more into yourself instead of others. i get that you're living the life, and actually i'm very jealous of the memories you're making and the amazing friends you have. but i don't think you realize that you've changed. which is sad. you never ask me how i am. and for pity's sake, you haven't even ever seen where i go to college. that's a big deal to me.

and you've changed too. almost in the same way. something happened, i'm not sure what. your personality took a 180, and i don't know how to deal with it. i never imagined. but you're not the same person i loved. this idea has consumed you and has changed you.

and you. you grow further away from me every day without trying. i know you do try, but i'm not your top priority and i can't be, i understand. but please please try harder. i try too hard already, now it's your turn.

please come back. all of you.

i am horrible.

i hate that i'm like this. but seeing you like this makes me feel feelings i don't want to feel. i should be feeling proud, happy, nostalgic... but i feel these negative feelings. i wish... if only...

and then to think about what will happen in around a month... it hurts. i thought i would be fine with it, but now it's eating me on the inside.

you always told me never to go to bed mad at someone. but it looks like i'll be going to sleep pretty soon unless you say something first.

assumptions, assumptions.

feeling lost as ever. even though it's always what i wanted, do i still want it now after all this? how do i know?

wish i'd never grown up.

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs

I just realized everything I have
Is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even through to you want to
Please try to never grow up

Don't you ever grow up
(Never grow up)
Just never grow up

can't sleep.

i decided a while ago that i would let you decide. because your happiness is much more important to me than my own. but that doesn't change the fact that it hurt. i know it's for the best. but still. falling in love with you was the best thing that's ever happened to me and i'm not ready to let that go. you have been the most important person to me for more than four months and i honestly don't know who i am without you. the thought of you with another girl breaks me. moving on is hard. but losing you is the worst.

5 days left with you and then the best chapter of my life closes.

here i am.

tonight. i need you.

i need someone.

i will always love you.

i really screwed myself over. i built my life around you and in a little more than a month you'll be gone. or rather, i'll be gone. how do i prepare myself for heartbreak? there's nothing like the feeling i feel for you. i have to tell you. i have to lay it all on the table. because i don't at all see us as a temporary or fleeting thing. as juvenile as it may sound, i want to be with you forever.