i have been fighting against my acne since 6th grade. i mean, granted, some people have it much, much worse than i do, but it's definitely a problem. sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse. on those days that it's worse, i legitimately want to fall in a hole and die. i get so frustrated that i can't look perfect and i get so self conscious that i just can't look people in the face sometimes. i get up at 5:30 in the morning because it takes me a half an hour to put on my makeup. and i hate it. as silly as it may seem, it's almost a roadblock in my life. i let it defeat me constantly. i'm currently having one of those days where i literally can't think about anything else except how ugly i feel. i have tried everything. benzaclin, neutrogena, proactiv, epiduo, doxycicline, murad, lancome... you name it, it's been on my face.
i play these moments over and over and over in my head...
the day i was working on a group project in french class and had a really terrible blemish on my cheek and just covered half of my face with my hair and the girl i was working with gave me this look like "what's wrong with her?"
in greece during a break from rehearsal when jesse crum turned to me and said, "your face is bleeding..." and i ran to the bathroom and hid for about ten minutes until i had to go back to rehearsal.
i just want to put a bag over my head. or be a hermit. yeah. but really. i just want to feel pretty for once. to feel comfortable in my own skin. to maybe be in the presence of another person with no makeup on someday.
i realize this is a problem. the way i feel about myself. i wish it weren't this way. and someday, i'll get better. but right now, i guess i'll just have to wait it out.
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