too much.

second post in one day. but seriously.

the tears will literally not stop running out of my face and i can barely even explain why i'm upset.

i hate when you yell at me when i cry. i'm not trying to win your sympathy. this is actually upsetting me a lot. i am not in the mood to be yelled at or lectured to. I KNOW i have loads to do, and i don't need you reminding me every minute. it's not making anything better.

i will never be good enough. for you, for him, or for him.

i hate that you think i don't care. i care about this more than anything. this is my whole life and my future. thing is that it's so scary. it's easier to say i didn't try than i gave it my all and wasn't good enough. i can't bring myself to do it because i'm afraid of rejection.

it's funny that the thing that gives me the most joy is also the thing that gives me the most pain.